• ABOUT
  • Beth’s Book Club
    • BOOKISH BLOGS & REVIEWS
    • JOIN THE CLUB
    • Members Area
      • Login
      • Account
      • What We’ve Read
      • Beth’s Book Club Book Recycle
      • Lives, Q&A’s and Seminars
      • Small Business Directory
      • Random Acts of Kindness
  • LIFE
    • I’VE BEEN THINKING…
    • WELLNESS
    • MENTAL HEALTH
    • INTERIORS
    • BUDGETING
    • PRODUCTIVITY TIPS
    • BLOGGING TIPS
    • RECIPES
    • BOOKISH BLOG POSTS
  • STYLE
    • FASHION
    • BEAUTY
  • TRAVEL
    • DESTINATIONS
    • TRAVEL TIPS
    • VAN LIFE
    • SPENDING DIARIES
  • CONTACT
  • PRESETS

Beth Sandland

I Never Had a ‘Girl Gang’, and it Made Me Feel Like a Failure

04/05/2018 · DEAR DIARY, LIFESTYLE

I Never Had a Girl Gang, and it made me feel like a failure, squad goals, girl group, tribe, female friendship, yellow ASOS coat, white leather converse, Joy midi dress, NottinghillI Never Had a Girl Gang, and it made me feel like a failure, squad goals, girl group, tribe, female friendship, yellow ASOS coat, white leather converse, Joy midi dress, Nottinghill

Female friendship is a funny thing. Watch any popular film or TV series and women are presented in groups – a tribe, a girl gang, squad goals – whatever you want to call it. The implication is that women must cluster and form little packs, then take on the world (and often any other woman in their path) together. This post is an exploration of my experience with that notion, with how not having a ‘group’ made me feel like a failure and with how I’ve come to realise that finding my tribe extends far beyond having a ‘squad’ WhatsApp group. Bear with me, it may be a little word-dumpy. It’s something I’ve been trying (and struggling) to articulate for a while.

The last time I remember having that kind of friendship experience was when I was 9. There was a group of five us and we were best friends; we would meet at the school gate every morning, we would spend each and every lunch or play time together and we even had a handshake and code words. If I’m honest, it was really easy. To start with, I never had to think twice when it came to choosing who to come and play at my house, or who to invite to my birthday sleepovers. Then, at the age of 9, I moved schools and naturally we drifted. From that point onward, I don’t think I would ever describe myself as having had a solid ‘group’ of friends. This isn’t some sob story and I’ve by no means ever been lonely, rather I started to relate to individuals who didn’t usually happen to be intertwined with one another.

I Never Had a Girl Gang, and it made me feel like a failure, squad goals, girl group, tribe, female friendship, yellow ASOS coat, white leather converse, Joy midi dress, Nottinghill

It made sense to me, as I became a teenager, to shun the idea of having a girl gang in favour of making wonderful friends in lots of different places. My interests were largely centred in performing arts and although I knew some lovely people at school, most of my friends lived in different towns, went to different schools and were disconnected from my day to day life. For the next 7 years through secondary and sixth form I largely floated between various friendship groups, feeling as though I had to choose one to gravitate toward, but never truly feeling as though I fitted in. That sense that I didn’t really belong made me feel very uneasy and I started to wonder if I was missing out on a Sex in the City style squad.

I began to crave it, and worse still, I began to wonder if people didn’t want to be friends with me. The latter was really silly because I have always had some friends whom I know would move mountains if I needed them to, but choosing who to have over on a Friday night and day dreaming about who you’d pick as bridesmaids isn’t nearly as easy when you’re forcing six strangers together. Until very recently, I have always felt as though I was missing something; where was my WhatsApp group or gals holiday in Ibiza?

I Never Had a Girl Gang, and it made me feel like a failure, squad goals, girl group, tribe, female friendship, yellow ASOS coat, white leather converse, Joy midi dress, Nottinghill

It’s taken me into my 23rd year of life to understand that actually, I have exactly what I need and that furthermore, there is never such thing as too many friends and nothing ever stopping you reaching out and making more. In fact, I would whole heartedly recommend it because over the last year I’ve met people who have well and truly filled any gaps I may have feared were missing. I feel as though I’ve found my tribe, but perhaps almost inevitably, it wasn’t flung together by geography and having alphabetically similar surnames on the register. I’d be lying if I said that having a group chat to instantly go to when there’s good news, bad news and a new Queer Eye meme isn’t a wonderful feeling, but I’ve learnt that friendship means so much more than that.

Whether you’re still friends with the exact same group that you met in year seven, twenty years on, or whether your experience has been an entirely different one, frankly it doesn’t really matter. What does matter is that you find and fill your life with people who make you happy. And hey, life is rarely like it is in the movies…

I Never Had a Girl Gang, and it made me feel like a failure, squad goals, girl group, tribe, female friendship, yellow ASOS coat, white leather converse, Joy midi dress, Nottinghill

Shop the Look

Photography by Kaye Ford 

Posted In: DEAR DIARY, LIFESTYLE

Get on the List

Comments

  1. Elisabeth says

    04/05/2018 at 17:36

    I remember “the gang” 😉 its fun to read your blog and follow what you are up to now. Best wishes Elisabeth

    Reply
    • Beth Sandland says

      04/05/2018 at 21:00

      Yes! Awh I loved our group. Thanks lovely, would love to know what you’re up to! DM me! X

      Reply
  2. Becc4 Blog says

    04/05/2018 at 18:41

    This was a suuuuper refreshing post to read!! I’ve always been really good friends with boys, which, whilst they make great companion 99% of the time, I too have felt like I’ve kind of been missing out…
    A gals holiday to Zante, yep, none of that. Getting all dressed up with the gals for a night out, none of that either!
    But, it’s not necessarily a bad thing!

    Becca X

    Reply
  3. Francesca Bowers says

    04/05/2018 at 19:26

    I love this post so so much. When I was in school I did have a ‘gang’ of girls, but never felt like I really fit in with them, but felt I had to stay with them because that’s all I knew. I think this really affected me then because I never really felt understood! Then through uni I had some really awful experiences with group friendships, and have now come to realise that having just a couple of amazing friends is all I need, and I’m currently feeling more secure in the people who care about me than I’ve felt in my whole life! Sometimes it takes years of waiting to find the best friends, but it’s sooooo worth it.

    Reply
  4. Lauren says

    04/05/2018 at 21:49

    I genuinely loved reading this. I’ve never had a “girl gang” either! It used to really bother me growing up, because I felt like the “expendable” friend. But I’ve gotten so comfortable with the person that I am, the people that I do have around me, and where I am that it no longer bothers me.

    Reply
  5. Lauren Mckinney says

    04/05/2018 at 23:05

    Wow! When I read the title I figured “Yeah, I get you”, but I wasn’t expecting to relate to your words SO much! Especially the part about floating between friendship groups but never really fitting in. If I remember anything from high school, it’s the fact that I never really found where I fit in. Not sure I have even now, but that doesn’t matter so much anymore.

    Reply
  6. Helen says

    04/06/2018 at 06:58

    This is one of the major issues facing teenage girls that I work with – I will print a copy of this for my office xxx

    Reply
  7. Holly says

    04/06/2018 at 09:50

    I’m exactly the same, I have friends from different groups and don’t have one “squad” or “girl gang” to hang out with either. Sometimes it does make me feel a little lonely but, like you, I know that my friends would do anything for me, as I would for them! xx

    Reply
  8. Amy says

    04/06/2018 at 14:31

    I’ve always been the kind of person who has a few really good friends rather than one big group and they’re all quite separate too, it’s my hen do soon though and I can’t wait for them to all meet and hopefully have an amazing time together!
    Amy xx
    callmeamy.co.uk

    Reply
  9. Kat says

    04/07/2018 at 11:03

    I remember at high school I had a few groups of friends I’d float around. One of them I spent most of my time with. But I never really had a girl gang. These days I have more individual than group friends. They have never met each other. At times I have felt like I’m missing out on something. This was a great read. I’m glad I’m not the only person without a squad.

    Reply
  10. Flo la vita says

    04/08/2018 at 10:56

    I think school is such a strange thing to base friendships on because at school you are literally just flung together with a bunch of strangers who you have to be civil with for the next seven years, weather you like them or not.
    I found it really difficult at school, especially with girls as a teenager because there was so much bitchiness going on, and the idea we get about life through school is just so unrealistic and different to the real world.

    http://www.flolavita.co.uk

    Reply
  11. Sophie says

    04/09/2018 at 09:43

    THANK-YOU <3 Gosh i needed to hear this. When i was at university, i was in a "group" (girl gang), yet i was always on the outside. One day, i found out they'd hosted a dinner party and i found out through instagram. In that moment, i realised how dangerous it could be to be so tied to one group, who were all preaching "girl power" but isolating me at the same time. I realise my true friends are the ones who stick by regardless.

    Ps: i adore the backdrop, it's one of my favourite places!

    Bumble and Be

    Reply
  12. Bekah says

    04/09/2018 at 16:51

    Loved this post so much Beth and I could really relate. I’ve always felt myself longing for that “perfect” friendship group, but it’s just not as simple as that, is it? I sometimes found it hard to make friends at school, but if I’m being honest I think it’s a million times harder as an adult! x

    Bekah | rbekhaj.com

    Reply
  13. Laura says

    04/16/2018 at 07:33

    I can relate to this on so many levels. I’ve never really had a ‘girl gang’ and have just floated from group to group. I moved away from home just over four years ago from norfolk to South East London and I still have some solid friends who are always there for me but I have no one that I can just pop round and say hello to when I’m bored and it’s so hard to make new friends as an adults.

    Nice to know that I’m not the only one that has experienced it. I always think there is something wrong with me haha.

    Reply
  14. Kelsi says

    04/17/2018 at 01:39

    I can totally relate, but you’re so right about just making sure your life is filled with people that make you happy. Sometimes our friendships might rotate and not remain consistent for long but most likely change is a sign of growth!

    Reply
  15. Katie Yvonne says

    04/28/2018 at 13:15

    I’m so glad that I found this post because I’ve had a similar experience myself and sometimes I still find myself feeling left out when I see girls from school all going out together. It was really refreshing to know someone had the same experiences but looks at it positively. I loved reading this so much x x

    Reply
  16. Greatness Reinvented says

    04/29/2018 at 16:19

    Great post with some penitent points.

    GR | https://www.thegreat.uk/

    Reply
  17. Elle says

    05/01/2018 at 15:14

    YES! YOU ARE ME! I never did too and kind of floated about. my sister has a large group of friends and it made me feel like i was doing something wrong.
    Ive learned that the select few friends i do have i love to pieces and are so loyal and thats what matters!
    elle x
    http://www.abloggersbeauty.com

    Reply
  18. Chichi says

    05/05/2018 at 17:31

    What an interesting post. Growing up, I didn’t have a girl gang and I always had issues forming friendships with making friends. Same thing at university. Luckily, I have a wonderful group of girlfriends that I met at sixth form.

    Chichi
    chichiwrites.com

    Reply
  19. Kirstin says

    06/14/2018 at 15:07

    I often feel that theres a little stigma behind girls who hang out with only guys too. Its not that I hated girls, I WANTED girl pals so bad and a lil girl gang (like you said) but I ended up gravitating in the end towards a large boy gang of 8! (being the only girl) and I don’t know, I really feel this puts girls off (back in school that is) but now I realise it’s all worked out and some of my boys are still in my life now. P.S: I’d be lying if I said I still didn’t want a girl gang now at 26. Haha x

    Reply
  20. Julie says

    06/14/2018 at 18:53

    Loved reading this Beth, and can totally relate to it! Always felt slightly on the outside looking in..but not always a bad place to be … 💕 xx

    Reply
  21. Nati says

    07/17/2018 at 12:04

    This is such a beautifully written and important post. I have had a very similar experience and I have the same stance and you on it – it’s odd how much pressure there is to be part of a group, when you actually learn so much more and develop more depth by having friends across the world. It makes you and your friendships so much more multidimensional.

    I’m so glad I found someone who gets it! Thank you so much for sharing, Beth.

    Sending you good vibes for a wonderful week!

    Nati x | http://www.curatedbynati.com | @curatedbynati

    Reply
  22. Alex says

    07/23/2018 at 18:25

    I can so much relate I met my gang quite late, four years ago at Uni and before I was always a bit sad when people were talking of their friends they have been friends with since they were baby ! However even if I have the whatsapp group I don’t have the travel anymore because we are all all over the world working in internship which is a bit sad !

    To be honest I think it is so important to met new and different people rather than having 1 single group of friends ! Your pictures look amazing and after reading the comment of this post you might not have a girl gang IRL but you have a wonderful community !

    https://thefrenchiestblog.wordpress.com

    Reply
  23. Laila says

    08/10/2018 at 10:55

    I can really relate to this post so much! I’ve never had a ‘girl gang’ and have felt like I’m missing out on it a few times (like the getting ready to go on a night out together, the gals holidays, brunches etc), but I just have to remind myself that the individual friends that I’ve got are enough and mean so much to me. Such a great post! Thanks for voicing about the issue! xx

    Reply
  24. Aditi says

    08/27/2018 at 19:35

    I’ve felt the same for the longest! Never had a girl gang growing up. I’m in my 30s and starting to make friends with strong women now! We have similar interests, support each other’s dreams and cheer each other now. 🙂

    Love reading your posts, Beth! xx

    – Aditi
    http://www.aditispen.com

    Reply
  25. Kayleigh says

    08/29/2018 at 08:27

    I’ve been feeling the same lately Beth, although mine is because I don’t have many friends at all. I do have 3 friends who I do things with occasionally but we were thrown together by our boyfriends and I don’t quite feel like they’re my best friends. It’s just strange that I came across this post now when I’ve been feeling the absence of friends so much lately. I’m just trying to focus on myself lately and hopefully I’ll feel a little better!

    Kayleigh x
    https://hazelnutmusings.co.uk

    Reply
  26. Princess Hiyah Akanqi says

    09/04/2018 at 08:10

    I wouldn’t say I ever had a girl squad. Haha but I always end up having two best friends. It’s weird but true. All of my past friends drifted apart (some of them kept in touch with me on FB, but that’s not the same.) Each friendship i ever had excited for a reason and for that moment. We weren’t meant to stay friends and that’s ok. Thank you for sharing this. It was really nice to read, love!

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

I am a multi-award winning blogger, photographer and writer from London. I’ve travelled to over 38 countries, lived out of a backpack for a year and love to scuba dive! This site is a destination for all things travel, lifestyle and my successful online book club.

sign up to the newsletter

Grab a Cuppa

30 Items of Home Decor under £30: Neutral Boho shelf styling, neutral home, home interiors

35 Neutral Pieces of Home Decor Under £30 That Will Elevate Your Space

First Trimester: Pregnancy Diary

The First Trimester: My Pregnancy Diary

SEARCH

MOST READ THIS WEEK

  • 35 Neutral Pieces of Home Decor Under £30 That Will Elevate Your Space
    35 Neutral Pieces of Home Decor Under £30 That Will Elevate Your Space
  • 42 Books to Read in Self-Isolation
    42 Books to Read in Self-Isolation
  • Our Intimate Wedding Day
    Our Intimate Wedding Day
  • 7 Things to Know Before Renovating Your Kitchen
    7 Things to Know Before Renovating Your Kitchen
  • What to Buy from Beauty Pie
    What to Buy from Beauty Pie
  • Is Charlotte Tilbury's Famous Magic Cream Worth the Price Tag?
    Is Charlotte Tilbury's Famous Magic Cream Worth the Price Tag?
  • Coming Off the Pill: How I Feel Three Months On
    Coming Off the Pill: How I Feel Three Months On
  • Pregnancy After Loss:  Coping in the First Trimester
    Pregnancy After Loss: Coping in the First Trimester
  • Surviving a Friendship Break Up
    Surviving a Friendship Break Up
  • My Relationship with Bras
    My Relationship with Bras

AWARDS

  • Cosmopolitan Travel Influencer of the Year 2019 Winner
  • Blogosphere Travel Influencer of the Year 2019 Short List
  • Cosmopolitan Best Newcomer 2018 Shortlist
  • Blogosphere Lifestyle Blogger of the Year 2018

 

SHOP MY PRESETS

BOOK YOUR TRIP

Follow me on Instagram

Tuesday shelfie! About as exciting a caption as we Tuesday shelfie! About as exciting a caption as we’re gonna manage today, on what feels like day 72 of January. If you’re feeling a little spruce up there are 35 neutral homeware pieces for under £30 in a new blog post - link in bio! 🤍
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Everything tagged! Paint is Farrow & Ball Setting Plaster. Shelves are Funky Chunky Furniture. And that’s my lovely dried wedding bouquet 🥰
Nursery pending 👶🏼🌈🎨 I’ve hated this Nursery pending 👶🏼🌈🎨 I’ve hated this room for the last year. After our first loss it completely taunted me and I couldn’t bring myself to do anything with it other than use it as a giant Monica cupboard. It’s been called so many things - ‘the middle room’, ‘the spare room’, it even stayed as ‘Emily’s room’ for a long time after our lodger moved out - but now we finally call it the baby’s room 🥰🤍 #week28 #thirdtrimester #nurserydecoration #pregnancyafterloss
Week 27: extra hormonal, everything is stretching, Week 27: extra hormonal, everything is stretching, bub is the size of a cauliflower in this bizarre compare babies to fruit & veg game...👶🏼🥦🌈
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
😭 Hormonal wreck: I haven’t really had mood swings at all throughout pregnancy but oh my goodness have the hormones got me good this week. There have been tears. And hysterical sobbing. Sorry husband.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
🏀 Basketball belly: the stretch is real! My uterus is now firmly up under my ribs and I swear I can feel them slowly pulling apart. I cried when I sneezed - “it’s like someone STABBED me” (see point 1). Everything feels very round and my old belly piercing scar is not thrilled about life...
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
👈🏼 Still an innie: ....just. It’s more like a saucer where it was once a cereal bowl.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
🦒 All the cute things: we’ve decided on a neutral safari themed nursery. Says the person who hates themes.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
💸 “But they’re so small...😭”: I’m officially on a tiny clothes shopping ban. I’ve rinsed eBay and some lovely small brands (and the Zara sale) and I get an eye roll every time I smuggle a new parcel into the nursery.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
🥴 Tasting everything 6 times over: Hi reflux.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
📖 Reading: Your Baby, Your Birth by Hollie de Cruz is next on my bedside table.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
#27weekspregnant #pregnancyafterloss #rainbowbaby #secondtrimester 
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Two things in life that you just can’t have too Two things in life that you just can’t have too much of: books and tea. My survival tools! ☕️📖💫
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Here are 3 titles I’ve read recently (and rated 5/5 - I’m a harsh critic) that are perfect if you need a pick me up or some escapism...
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
1. The Authenticity Project by Clare Pooley: an old man leaves a notebook in a cafe for a stranger to find telling his ‘truth’ and challenging them to do the same. The catalyst for a web of unusual friendships and genuine, warm characters...
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
2. Educated by Tara Westover: a memoir that reads a little like a fiction depicting Tara’s life growing up in a strict Mormon family in Idaho with a survivalist father who is battling undiagnosed mental illness. They don’t believe in formal education or medicine and any form of governance is the work of the Illuminati. Covers some heavy themes (tw: abuse) and is extremely interesting and engaging.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
3. Queenie by Candice Carty-Williams: sometimes laugh out loud funny, sometimes poignantly sad, Queenie is a vivacious twenty-something growing up as a black woman in an ever gentrifying south London. A crap boyfriend, covert racism and a battle with anxiety paint a backdrop whilst she navigates daily life. It’s excellent!
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Hit save for later or tag someone who needs some reading inspo 📚 What’s the best book you’ve read recently?
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Join/follow: @bethsbookclub_ 🥰
Love a good wedding-stalk? In it for the pics? Wha Love a good wedding-stalk? In it for the pics? What to know *exactly* what a teeny tiny BIG day of just 4 guests might actually look like? Link in bio 👰🏻💓
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Photos:  @victoriasomersethowphotography 
Hair: @whiteman.soho 
Make up: Keeley Wilson MUA
Flowers: @emmahewlettfloraldesign 
Dress: ASOS
Plant mom 🌿✌🏼 ⠀ Monty the monstera is go Plant mom 🌿✌🏼
⠀
Monty the monstera is going to start eating dentists soon. My top tips for a super healthy swiss cheese plant -
⠀
🌱 A lovely bright spot away from direct sun (not a problem in winter) and radiators.
🌱 Intuitive watering: stick your finger in and water when the top 2” of the soil are dry, rather than to a set schedule. The amount needed depends on your plant (I use around 700ml approx every 10 days) but make sure you’ve got good drainage!
🌱 Every now and again I like to put it in the garden when it’s raining (in the spring/summer) or under the shower. Rain is best if possible as hard tap water can cause mineral build up on the soil.
🌱 Moss pole! Train it to grow upwards with a strong pole and ties.
🌱 Wipe dust off the leaves (shower also does this) and use a spritz bottle regularly.
⠀
If it’s looking sad it’s probably an issue with water or light! #urbanjungle #monsteramonday
26 weeks: mini diary 🤍 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 26 weeks: mini diary 🤍
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
With less than 2 weeks until the final trimester I thought I’d try and document weekly, as much for me to look back on. This photo is already a week old and I seem to be growing by the day!
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
What’s the crack this week?...
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
😴 Sleepy AF: A new wave of exhaustion has hit. It makes sense - babies generally double their weight between 24-28 wks. I’ve started going to bed earlier/falling asleep at 9pm in front of Bridgerton.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
🤧 Pelvic floor: Sneezing brings ALL the fear!
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
🐙 Movement: I saw my belly move from the outside like a scene from Alien for the first time. At bed time it feels like a small octopus is doing the Macarena in my uterus. It’s still the most magical feeling in the world.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
👶🏼 Prep: The pram arrived this week! We ordered it in a brilliant Silver Cross sale. I was feeling a bit flat about the loss of that ‘pram shopping with my bump’ experience due to lockdown but putting it together made me happy - it’s so beautiful! And so surreal - we own a pram!
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
📖 Reading: The Positive Birth Book by @milli.hill. It puts across all options in a clear, non-judgey, humorous way and has made me think of things I’d never heard of. It’s also the first time I’ve understood what a birth plan might physically look/read like.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
🧘🏼‍♀️ Hypnobirthing: I’ve started to feel more nervous about the birth (not the actual act or the pain, rather fears I won’t share as don’t want to project) but we’re starting hypnobirthing online next week which I’m looking forward to!
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
👯‍♀️ Following: @birth_ed, @takingcarababies, @mixing.up.motherhood are accounts that are bringing joy/invaluable info.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
#26weeks #rainbowbaby🌈 #secondtrimester #pregnancyafterloss
I loved being a pregnant bride. Often a baby is a I loved being a pregnant bride. Often a baby is a reason to delay or speed up a wedding (lots assumed that was the case for us, but it wasn’t!) and is generally seen as perhaps spoiling things a little. It’s totally fine if you do feel that way, but for us it made it extra magical. It felt totally right to have our little bub between us as we exchanged vows and I was happy to embrace the bump in my dress. I still chose exactly the look and fit I wanted and wore the sparkly heels and in a way, I found trying dresses on much lower pressure as I wasn’t worrying about my figure. Perhaps the biggest difference was staying sober and the fact that we had a tiny wedding with a fancy lunch rather than a party probably made this a lot easier. I raised a toast with our four guests but beyond that, I didn’t have any inclination to drink anyway. Bonus - a great nights sleep and no hangover! 🥂👰🏻
⠀
Photographer: @victoriasomersethowphotography
Dress: ASOS
Box fresh kicks ready to explore [from the bedroom Box fresh kicks ready to explore [from the bedroom to the kitchen, to the loo...aaand repeat]...at least they’ll stay clean 🥴☕️
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Type into browser: https://rstyle.me/cz-n/ewjdwzcbq2x (junior size 🤑 if under a UK 5.5)
AD: Pregnancy has given me a lot of time to reflec AD: Pregnancy has given me a lot of time to reflect on my relationship with alcohol over the last year. 🍸 I flitted between giving it up when pregnant or for fertility purposes, then using it as an emotional crutch in loss which made me more anxious and restless. This time - now 6 months pregnant - I haven’t had a drink since August and have been really pleasantly surprised by how little I’ve missed it, even over the festive season. I’m not into vilifying booze; I enjoy a couple of drinks and even the feeling of lowered inhibitions and being tipsy. But I know that even post-pregnancy and the other-side of the hazy newborn/breastfeeding days, I’ll try and maintain a far more positive relationship with alcohol which for me, looks like indulging lightly and occasionally.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Having access to brilliant alcohol-free alternatives makes this significantly easier. My favourite gin distillers, Salcombe Gin, are behind the @NewLondonLight; a 0% spirit that doesn’t compromise on taste. So whether you’re pregnant, doing Dry January or simply attempting to live lighter, you can still enjoy a Sunday evening tipple. How do you feel about the alcohol free movement?
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Get 20% off with code ‘NLL20Beth’ 🍊 #NewLondonLight #LiveLightNLL #NLL
Top 5 Books I read in 2020 ☕️ ~
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Where the Crawdads Sing, Delia Owens: totally captivating, unusual and enchanting. I literally devoured this one!
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Queenie, Candice Carty-Williams: as well as being laugh out loud funny, Queenie is also an education. A must read on what it’s like to be a young black woman growing up in London. Also tackles mental health really well!
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
The Flatshare, Beth O’Leary: I recommend this to anyone who just really needs a hug from a genuinely enjoyable book. It’s warm and lovely but offers depth well beyond your usual chick lit too.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Homegoing, Yaa Gyasi: this novel is such a triumph! Spanning over 300 years from pre-colonial Ghana to present day USA, each chapter follows a new character in the lineage of two sisters. One sold to slavery, the other married to an English coloniser. It’s sweepingly powerful and incredibly well written. I could’ve read an entire book on each character!
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
A Man Called Ove, Fredrik Backman: Ove was the very first book I read in 2020 and it stuck with me throughout the year. At its most basic, it’s the story of a cantankerous old man. Delve a little deeper and it’s funny, heartbreaking and incredibly heartwarming. I just love Ove!
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Hit the ‘save’ button to come back to this list when you’re in need of a good read! What were your books of the year? 📚
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
PS. If more reading, less scrolling is one of your 2021 goals too then don’t forget you can come and join us at @bethsbookclub_ 😎
2 0 2 1: the year of you 🕊🤍
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Happy new year saucepots! We had an ultra rock n’ roll night (read our books in bed then watched the midnight fireworks - that was a nice surprise! - on a phone before falling promptly to sleep...) and today is all about a long walk, a longer bath, books and tea. And obviously starting a new diary because isn’t fresh stationary the best thing about a new year?!
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Are you setting New Years’ resolutions? I prefer a bit of reflection and mindset shifting. This year it’s all about setting firm positive boundaries, protecting my energy and saying no to things/people that don’t serve that. I like the new year, not for the ‘new me’ noise but rather as a chance to let go and embrace a fresh beginning again. ⚡️☕️
As far as NYE outfits go, I’m not mad about this As far as NYE outfits go, I’m not mad about this one...🐻🥂 I hope you’re all well and excited to bid farewell to 2020. I know the clock striking midnight doesn’t fundamentally change anything but I’m hopeful that we can look forward with more optimism. I always find the turn of the year really emotionally complex. I’m not even going to attempt to unpack this last one other than to rejoice that even amongst the lowest of lows there have been highs. My beloved Nan won’t see the new year, which is hard to contemplate. I also married my best friend. This time last year I was miserable on the sofa, a day after surgery for our first miscarriage and wishing I could press pause on life. Tonight I’m still on the sofa, but full and at peace rather than empty and grieving, looking forward. For us, 2021 will see the birth of our little cub so it’s one that I’m welcoming with open arms. So much can change in a year and I hope you can seek comfort in that. However you’re feeling tonight, I’ll raise my alco-free bubbles to you because you did it: you made it through one of the toughest years in history. Brighter days are coming ☀️💓
24 weeks on the 24th December. 🌈🤍
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
This day exactly a year ago we felt like the world had been pulled out from under our feet after learning that our first baby wasn’t destined to grow and come home with us. I grieved that loss deeply but I never regretted it because of all that it brought us too: weeks of joy, the realisation that we were ready for a family, a greater understanding of motherhood and of life - that it simply isn’t something you can plan. And now, new life.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Now I sit here, 6 months pregnant with a child wriggling inside me that I can’t fathom being without. It’s so very complex because without the losses we experienced, this baby that we already love wildly and unconditionally simply wouldn’t exist. I don’t believe that ‘everything happens for a reason’ is any consolation but I do think our losses are a vital part of our story as much as this healthy pregnancy is, so in a confusing, incoherent way, I’m thankful for them.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
24 weeks is a huge milestone because in terms of gestation it’s known as the ‘viability’ mark. Our baby is officially a registrable human being and a ‘miscarriage’ is no longer a medical possibility. This is a day I’ve been really looking forward to! Thank you for continuing to hope with us, and know that we’re holding on to it extra tight for anyone struggling for whatever reason.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Keep cooking away in there little one, growing you is the greatest joy. 🌱🤍
(Ad) GIVEAWAY! WIN A LUXURY SPA BREAK FOR TWO 😍 (Ad) GIVEAWAY! WIN A LUXURY SPA BREAK FOR TWO 😍🧖🏼‍♀️
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Start 2021 with something special to look forward to. Who couldn’t use some pampering and R&R after the year we’ve had?! The Spa at Carden is a brand new £10 million ultra luxe indoor and outdoor spa nestled in the award-winning Carden Park Hotel’s extensive grounds, just outside of Chester.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
THE PRIZE: a lucky winner will win a one night spa break for two including a spa day, a 50 minute treatment each, a double or twin room and a full English or continental breakfast! Valid for all of 2021 subject to availability.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
TO ENTER:
• Follow me @bethsandland and @thespaatcarden 
• Tag a friend below!
• Unlimited entries (tag in separate comments)
• Share to stories for a bonus entry!
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
INFO: Closes 22/12/20. Winner announced 23rd December by  me on *THIS ACCOUNT* - please do not engage with any fake/scam accounts claiming to know the winner! This giveaway is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Instagram. This post is unpaid but marked as ‘ad’ due to the commercial nature of giveaways.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
GOOD LUCK 🥰🎄
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
(AD) I had a very productive day of Elf duties as (AD) I had a very productive day of Elf duties as we finished off the Christmas shopping to add to the bits we’ve ordered online! Now to pour a Faileys (faux Baileys...) and get wrapping up with Home Alone on in the background...
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
If you haven’t finished your shopping yet then checkout @mandmdirect - the home of designer brands with up to 75% off! I did some of my Christmas shopping there and picked this cosy outfit up for myself too. The jumper dress was £8.99, the coat less than half price at £29.99 and the hat £5.99 (all non maternity)! You can also find Uggs on there with some huge savings...See my stories for some brilliant gift ideas for tricky recipients, with delivery guaranteed in time for Christmas 🎅🏼🎄
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Have you finished your shopping yet? Do you enjoy it or find it a chore? I love thinking about what to get each person, but it can definitely get overwhelming!
See More Follow

Copyright © 2021 Beth Sandland · Theme by 17th Avenue