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Beth Sandland

Reasons to Have an Intimate Wedding

09/07/2020 · I'VE BEEN THINKING, LIFESTYLE, Wedding

5 Reasons to Have an Intimate Wedding: why small weddings are better. Wifey t-shirt, pink velvet ring box, wedding planning

Intimate weddings are on the rise, perhaps spurred on by COVID and the current government limitation of 30 guests. I have a sneaking suspicion though that more and more couples are leaning towards small celebrations for other, more wholesome reasons. There are plenty of reasons to have an intimate wedding but here’s the 5 that sealed the deal for us.

We started planning a large wedding. A guest list of a hundred, an overnight affair and a five-figure price tag. We even picked a date and put down a deposit. We got excited about all the things we could plan, from the food to the band and the beautiful outdoor ceremony. But something just didn’t sit right. It wasn’t one thing to blame, though when we started questioning elements the tiny seeds of doubt grew into a ‘why are we actually doing this?‘ Because we love each other. Because we want to commit our lives together. Does that have to cost £20,000+ with a hundred pairs of eyes watching?

We discussed a few different options, including eloping (which we’d have probably gone ahead with had it not been for the pandemic) before settling on our reasons to have an intimate wedding.


Reasons to Have an Intimate Wedding


1. You’re more likely to be able to do everything you want, when doing it on a smaller scale

Weddings almost always involve compromise. Whether dictated by budget, expectation or differences between what you and your fiancé want. In any wedding, you’ve got to decide what’s most important to you and prioritise that, but a reason to have an intimate wedding is that you’ll likely be able to opt for a lot more of the ‘nice to have’s. For example, we love great food. Serving a brilliant, memorable meal was always a priority for us, but feeding 100 gave us a significantly lower cost-per-head budget. Now that our wedding party totals 25 we’re able to spend double on an amazing lunch, and we’re still only at half of our would’ve-been spend.

2. You have total control of the guest list

I was adamant we wouldn’t fall victim to any obligation invites or pressure when it came to writing our guest list, but when you’re inviting a hundred people that’s a challenge. Whether it’s deciding which plus ones to allow, or whether to invite someone to keep the peace, it’s unlikely every single name is one you’re close to. I heard from so many people who said that 10 years on, they didn’t see half their guest list. A good rule of thumb became: who would we happily take out for a £100 meal? Who would we invite to an intimate dinner party in our home? Who have we seen or spoken to regularly in the last 6 months?

In the end, it was easy. We listed our closest family, and a few very close friends. There are a few others we’d have liked there, but pandemic-related restrictions gave us a strict capacity. In a way, it made it easier! We can honestly say every single person invited is someone who we are close to and cannot wait to share the memory with.

3. You will save a lot of money

Money doesn’t have to factor in the reasons to have an intimate wedding, but it’s okay if it does. We had initially agreed on a budget of £20,000 (less than the national average!). The basis of this figure was largely that I couldn’t imagine spending more than that, but even that figure made me uncomfortable. When we began to actually plot each item on to a spreadsheet, then a honeymoon on top, it became apparent just how easy it would be blow it.

Money is a very personal thing and there is no right or wrong amount to spend on your wedding day. For some, a big wedding is worth every penny. For me, it was an amount that I couldn’t fathom spending on one single day of my entire life. It wasn’t the main reason to have an intimate wedding, but I do feel a hell of a lot more comfortable with our new budget.

I won’t detail exactly what we’re spending, other than it’s four-figures, not five, and within that we’re having absolutely everything we want, with some leftover for the honeymoon too.

4. It’s way more relaxed – for you and your guests

Weddings can be really stressful. The planning process often takes up so much time, money and emotional energy that there’s a hell of a lot of expectation riding on the big day. One reason to have an intimate wedding is a virtually stress-free planning process, but also a more relaxed day for both you and your guests.

I’ve heard from a lot of brides that they spent a lot of their day worrying about whether everyone else was having a good time, and that everything was running smoothly. I feel more relaxed about my expectations of our intimate wedding: whereas rain would’ve spoilt our big summer festival style day, I have zero expectations of the weather in late October. All the ‘big’ things are planned and so far it’s been a stress-free process; there just isn’t the same scope to worry about or fuss over and conversations with suppliers are much simpler on a small scale.

5. A more intimate experience with those you love the most

Ultimately it comes down to this. Why are you getting married? Not for the big do but for the rest of your life with the person you love. To me, this is the main reason to have an intimate wedding: intimate memories to cherish with those that are closest to you. I worried that with a hundred guests, we wouldn’t even get 2 minutes with each one. That so much of the day would pass in a blur and that it would just be physically impossible to be ‘present’ for all of it. I’m so confident in our reasons to have an intimate wedding and that it will allow us to focus on all the small, precious moments and everything that matters most about saying “I do.”

I’d love to hear from others and your reasons for having an intimate wedding. Did you have a large one and wish you’d gone smaller, or vice versa? Or are you currently planning with your own reasons for an intimate wedding?


My wedding planner: The Inspired Stories Journal (discount code: BETH10)

Wifey t-shirt:

Velvet ring box: this one from Etsy

Wedding invites: Papier (discount code: get £10 off here)

Click here to shop my presets

Posted In: I'VE BEEN THINKING, LIFESTYLE, Wedding

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Comments

  1. Emma says

    09/07/2020 at 16:23

    Even before 2020 happened, we both always wanted a small intimate wedding as we wanted to keep the budget low, the good food flowing and have a great laugh with those we love most. However, we felt the guilt of excluding many people from that first list. Thank goodness for the new guidelines giving us a reason that people are now more excepting of for not receiving an invite!

    Reply
    • Beth Sandland says

      09/07/2020 at 16:28

      Sounds perfect! I don’t think of it as excluding, it’s just a small event and that warrants a small list. Xx

      Reply
  2. Charley Henly says

    09/07/2020 at 16:42

    Unfortunately the boyfriend hasn’t popped the question but it’s something we’ve talked about. Obviously with us not being engaged so it’ll be a while off, but we’ve both agreed on a very small wedding, hopefully somewhere like Greece with our immediate family and extremely close friends! I doubt our guest list would exceed 20!xxx

    Reply
  3. Natalie says

    09/07/2020 at 16:44

    Hi Beth
    The idea of a ‘big conventional’ never appealed to me (us! Haha), we were either going to have an intimate ceremony followed by a party or go abroad….we went to Italy with 26 other people! Spending longer that just the wedding day with out closest friends and family was one of the main appealing aspects! X

    Reply
    • Beth Sandland says

      09/07/2020 at 16:52

      How lovely! 😍

      Reply
  4. Francesca says

    09/07/2020 at 17:15

    Originally we were planning to have a big wedding (end of October this year hi 💁🏻‍♀️) but have basically replanned the whole thing. Lots of people asked us why we weren’t just postponing, but essentially we just want to get married because we love each, that’s the most important thing. Now that we’ve replanned the whole day, we have 26 guests and I am SO excited. I think I was really feeling the pressure of having a bigger wedding and having such an important day in front of soooo many people. We’re now having a party to celebrate next summer instead with everyone else who we’d have been inviting, and we are both just feeling so much happier about it 💖

    Reply
    • Beth Sandland says

      09/07/2020 at 17:19

      Ah perfect! Good luck for your wedding 😍

      Reply
  5. Zoey says

    09/07/2020 at 17:32

    We had around 90 guests at our wedding back almost 4 years ago now. And most were family! I liked the idea of doing a fairly small wedding at a cute farm near by. x

    Zoey | http://www.zoeyolivia.com

    Reply
  6. Jenna says

    09/08/2020 at 12:07

    I love this post! Whenever my boyfriend and I decide to get married, we already know that we won’t be having a big wedding. We both get very anxious around large crowds/when we are the center of attention, so it would be a perfect ceremony with only a few of our very closest family. 🙂
    Jenna ♥
    Stay in touch? Life of an Earth Muffin

    Reply
  7. Lauren says

    09/08/2020 at 18:16

    We’re planning a small wedding in Italy for immediate family & our closest friends and we’re so glad we’ve chosen the whole day around what we want and no-one else.
    The main thing is that we get married & nothing else really matters!
    Roll on 2022 🙂 xx

    Reply
  8. Emily says

    09/08/2020 at 18:23

    Love this! 💕 I work for a wedding venue and see so many couples give in to the pressure from parents and friends to have a big wedding. I mean, if that’s what you want, great! But more often than not the couple end up putting themselves under more financial (and emotional) stress to please everyone else. Your wedding day should be about you and your partner! That’s what matters.

    Reply
  9. Sarah W says

    09/08/2020 at 19:01

    The topic came up recently (we aren’t even engaged bare in mind) and my boyfriend had a freak out. Fortunately it wasn’t about the idea of marrying me, it was the cost. He ran away with it without asking what I’d dreamt of (let’s be fair girls dream of weddings more than guys). I’d only ever wanted an intimate one.
    His sister in law didn’t help by saying he’s obliged to invite extended family IE her huge family or each siblings friends. It took me a lot of work and stressing that this was not the case and I was against obligation invites. External pressures don’t help lemme tell you! I’ll show him this if and when he pops the question. X

    Reply
  10. Carly says

    09/08/2020 at 19:33

    I think you’ve made the right decision. I have a very large extended family and our wedding was around 95 day guests, the majority of which were family with a couple of tables of friends.

    Over a year later and I still have “wedding anxiety”, I still wonder whether everyone had a good time, whether certain things were good enough, I worry that I didn’t get to speak to everyone and they might think I’m rude.

    I wouldn’t have changed the number of guests we had (mainly because I don’t think we would have been able to narrow it down further), but I fully respect people who have a smaller wedding and less stress!

    Reply
  11. Lauren says

    09/08/2020 at 19:46

    We eloped, and my brother in law did an intimate wedding in Scotland (we’re English but Scottish law is different and easier for fast wedding which there’s was). Both were amazing! I loved our wedding being just us, then we had a fun party a few months later with our mates. Then my brother in laws wedding was such fun, I did the flowers, the cake, and we borrowed my best mates dress. There were about 20 guests and we all stayed together in a medieval castle. It was fun the start to the finish. All weddings are fun if they’re what the couple want. But I do love a small one personally! 10 years married soon and I wouldn’t change a thing about our wedding! X

    Reply
  12. Aby Davies-Jackson says

    09/16/2020 at 11:02

    We had a big day planned with over 120 guests and because of Covid we had a much much smaller affair, we got married at the original venue and then just had a small gathering at home with a handful of friends and close family and it was fabulous – my amazing friends chipped in to help get the day ready beforehand and we just had a more relaxed ‘home made’ style reception and i can honestly say i thoroughly enjoyed the day and dont feel like i missed out or settled. We saved lots of money which we intent to spend on home renovations now and i would highly recommend a smaller more intimate wedding to anyone it was brilliant.

    Reply

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I am a multi-award winning blogger, photographer and writer from London. I’ve travelled to over 38 countries, lived out of a backpack for a year and love to scuba dive! This site is a destination for all things travel, lifestyle and my successful online book club.

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Here are 3 titles I’ve read recently (and rated 5/5 - I’m a harsh critic) that are perfect if you need a pick me up or some escapism...
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1. The Authenticity Project by Clare Pooley: an old man leaves a notebook in a cafe for a stranger to find telling his ‘truth’ and challenging them to do the same. The catalyst for a web of unusual friendships and genuine, warm characters...
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2. Educated by Tara Westover: a memoir that reads a little like a fiction depicting Tara’s life growing up in a strict Mormon family in Idaho with a survivalist father who is battling undiagnosed mental illness. They don’t believe in formal education or medicine and any form of governance is the work of the Illuminati. Covers some heavy themes (tw: abuse) and is extremely interesting and engaging.
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3. Queenie by Candice Carty-Williams: sometimes laugh out loud funny, sometimes poignantly sad, Queenie is a vivacious twenty-something growing up as a black woman in an ever gentrifying south London. A crap boyfriend, covert racism and a battle with anxiety paint a backdrop whilst she navigates daily life. It’s excellent!
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Hit save for later or tag someone who needs some reading inspo 📚 What’s the best book you’ve read recently?
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Love a good wedding-stalk? In it for the pics? Wha Love a good wedding-stalk? In it for the pics? What to know *exactly* what a teeny tiny BIG day of just 4 guests might actually look like? Link in bio 👰🏻💓
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🌱 A lovely bright spot away from direct sun (not a problem in winter) and radiators.
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With less than 2 weeks until the final trimester I thought I’d try and document weekly, as much for me to look back on. This photo is already a week old and I seem to be growing by the day!
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I loved being a pregnant bride. Often a baby is a I loved being a pregnant bride. Often a baby is a reason to delay or speed up a wedding (lots assumed that was the case for us, but it wasn’t!) and is generally seen as perhaps spoiling things a little. It’s totally fine if you do feel that way, but for us it made it extra magical. It felt totally right to have our little bub between us as we exchanged vows and I was happy to embrace the bump in my dress. I still chose exactly the look and fit I wanted and wore the sparkly heels and in a way, I found trying dresses on much lower pressure as I wasn’t worrying about my figure. Perhaps the biggest difference was staying sober and the fact that we had a tiny wedding with a fancy lunch rather than a party probably made this a lot easier. I raised a toast with our four guests but beyond that, I didn’t have any inclination to drink anyway. Bonus - a great nights sleep and no hangover! 🥂👰🏻
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Photographer: @victoriasomersethowphotography
Dress: ASOS
Box fresh kicks ready to explore [from the bedroom Box fresh kicks ready to explore [from the bedroom to the kitchen, to the loo...aaand repeat]...at least they’ll stay clean 🥴☕️
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Type into browser: https://rstyle.me/cz-n/ewjdwzcbq2x (junior size 🤑 if under a UK 5.5)
AD: Pregnancy has given me a lot of time to reflec AD: Pregnancy has given me a lot of time to reflect on my relationship with alcohol over the last year. 🍸 I flitted between giving it up when pregnant or for fertility purposes, then using it as an emotional crutch in loss which made me more anxious and restless. This time - now 6 months pregnant - I haven’t had a drink since August and have been really pleasantly surprised by how little I’ve missed it, even over the festive season. I’m not into vilifying booze; I enjoy a couple of drinks and even the feeling of lowered inhibitions and being tipsy. But I know that even post-pregnancy and the other-side of the hazy newborn/breastfeeding days, I’ll try and maintain a far more positive relationship with alcohol which for me, looks like indulging lightly and occasionally.
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Having access to brilliant alcohol-free alternatives makes this significantly easier. My favourite gin distillers, Salcombe Gin, are behind the @NewLondonLight; a 0% spirit that doesn’t compromise on taste. So whether you’re pregnant, doing Dry January or simply attempting to live lighter, you can still enjoy a Sunday evening tipple. How do you feel about the alcohol free movement?
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Get 20% off with code ‘NLL20Beth’ 🍊 #NewLondonLight #LiveLightNLL #NLL
Top 5 Books I read in 2020 ☕️ ~
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Where the Crawdads Sing, Delia Owens: totally captivating, unusual and enchanting. I literally devoured this one!
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Queenie, Candice Carty-Williams: as well as being laugh out loud funny, Queenie is also an education. A must read on what it’s like to be a young black woman growing up in London. Also tackles mental health really well!
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The Flatshare, Beth O’Leary: I recommend this to anyone who just really needs a hug from a genuinely enjoyable book. It’s warm and lovely but offers depth well beyond your usual chick lit too.
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Homegoing, Yaa Gyasi: this novel is such a triumph! Spanning over 300 years from pre-colonial Ghana to present day USA, each chapter follows a new character in the lineage of two sisters. One sold to slavery, the other married to an English coloniser. It’s sweepingly powerful and incredibly well written. I could’ve read an entire book on each character!
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A Man Called Ove, Fredrik Backman: Ove was the very first book I read in 2020 and it stuck with me throughout the year. At its most basic, it’s the story of a cantankerous old man. Delve a little deeper and it’s funny, heartbreaking and incredibly heartwarming. I just love Ove!
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Hit the ‘save’ button to come back to this list when you’re in need of a good read! What were your books of the year? 📚
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PS. If more reading, less scrolling is one of your 2021 goals too then don’t forget you can come and join us at @bethsbookclub_ 😎
2 0 2 1: the year of you 🕊🤍
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Happy new year saucepots! We had an ultra rock n’ roll night (read our books in bed then watched the midnight fireworks - that was a nice surprise! - on a phone before falling promptly to sleep...) and today is all about a long walk, a longer bath, books and tea. And obviously starting a new diary because isn’t fresh stationary the best thing about a new year?!
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Are you setting New Years’ resolutions? I prefer a bit of reflection and mindset shifting. This year it’s all about setting firm positive boundaries, protecting my energy and saying no to things/people that don’t serve that. I like the new year, not for the ‘new me’ noise but rather as a chance to let go and embrace a fresh beginning again. ⚡️☕️
As far as NYE outfits go, I’m not mad about this As far as NYE outfits go, I’m not mad about this one...🐻🥂 I hope you’re all well and excited to bid farewell to 2020. I know the clock striking midnight doesn’t fundamentally change anything but I’m hopeful that we can look forward with more optimism. I always find the turn of the year really emotionally complex. I’m not even going to attempt to unpack this last one other than to rejoice that even amongst the lowest of lows there have been highs. My beloved Nan won’t see the new year, which is hard to contemplate. I also married my best friend. This time last year I was miserable on the sofa, a day after surgery for our first miscarriage and wishing I could press pause on life. Tonight I’m still on the sofa, but full and at peace rather than empty and grieving, looking forward. For us, 2021 will see the birth of our little cub so it’s one that I’m welcoming with open arms. So much can change in a year and I hope you can seek comfort in that. However you’re feeling tonight, I’ll raise my alco-free bubbles to you because you did it: you made it through one of the toughest years in history. Brighter days are coming ☀️💓
24 weeks on the 24th December. 🌈🤍
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This day exactly a year ago we felt like the world had been pulled out from under our feet after learning that our first baby wasn’t destined to grow and come home with us. I grieved that loss deeply but I never regretted it because of all that it brought us too: weeks of joy, the realisation that we were ready for a family, a greater understanding of motherhood and of life - that it simply isn’t something you can plan. And now, new life.
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Now I sit here, 6 months pregnant with a child wriggling inside me that I can’t fathom being without. It’s so very complex because without the losses we experienced, this baby that we already love wildly and unconditionally simply wouldn’t exist. I don’t believe that ‘everything happens for a reason’ is any consolation but I do think our losses are a vital part of our story as much as this healthy pregnancy is, so in a confusing, incoherent way, I’m thankful for them.
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24 weeks is a huge milestone because in terms of gestation it’s known as the ‘viability’ mark. Our baby is officially a registrable human being and a ‘miscarriage’ is no longer a medical possibility. This is a day I’ve been really looking forward to! Thank you for continuing to hope with us, and know that we’re holding on to it extra tight for anyone struggling for whatever reason.
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Keep cooking away in there little one, growing you is the greatest joy. 🌱🤍
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Start 2021 with something special to look forward to. Who couldn’t use some pampering and R&R after the year we’ve had?! The Spa at Carden is a brand new £10 million ultra luxe indoor and outdoor spa nestled in the award-winning Carden Park Hotel’s extensive grounds, just outside of Chester.
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THE PRIZE: a lucky winner will win a one night spa break for two including a spa day, a 50 minute treatment each, a double or twin room and a full English or continental breakfast! Valid for all of 2021 subject to availability.
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TO ENTER:
• Follow me @bethsandland and @thespaatcarden 
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• Unlimited entries (tag in separate comments)
• Share to stories for a bonus entry!
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INFO: Closes 22/12/20. Winner announced 23rd December by  me on *THIS ACCOUNT* - please do not engage with any fake/scam accounts claiming to know the winner! This giveaway is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Instagram. This post is unpaid but marked as ‘ad’ due to the commercial nature of giveaways.
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GOOD LUCK 🥰🎄
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(AD) I had a very productive day of Elf duties as (AD) I had a very productive day of Elf duties as we finished off the Christmas shopping to add to the bits we’ve ordered online! Now to pour a Faileys (faux Baileys...) and get wrapping up with Home Alone on in the background...
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If you haven’t finished your shopping yet then checkout @mandmdirect - the home of designer brands with up to 75% off! I did some of my Christmas shopping there and picked this cosy outfit up for myself too. The jumper dress was £8.99, the coat less than half price at £29.99 and the hat £5.99 (all non maternity)! You can also find Uggs on there with some huge savings...See my stories for some brilliant gift ideas for tricky recipients, with delivery guaranteed in time for Christmas 🎅🏼🎄
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Have you finished your shopping yet? Do you enjoy it or find it a chore? I love thinking about what to get each person, but it can definitely get overwhelming!
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