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Beth Sandland

Can We Please Stop Pretending to be Busy All the Time?

12/11/2017 · DEAR DIARY, LIFESTYLE, PRODUCTIVITY TIPS

There is a crisis affecting our generation, and it is has to stop. No, it’s not the property market or the fact we spend all our money on avocados and Meal Deals, though I do wish I could solve the former by foregoing the latter. We have become obsessed with being busy. We moan about it, brag about it, feel guilty when we aren’t it and seem to generally feel the need to live our lives at a million miles an hour, fuelled by a Starbucks Venti Pumpkin Spice Coconut Milk Latte and a to-do list so long that it rivals the Great Wall.

We’re all guilty of it; I love to have a little rant in a Monday morning Instagram caption about the fifty five different things vying for my time that day. I am constantly writing list after list and whilst it’s true – I am busy – usually I’m expecting myself to achieve things that the Duracell bunny on crack would struggle with. The result? I finish the day feeling a bit deflated with a sense of impending doom about tomorrow’s list and a Google search history that includes ‘Dumbledore time turner’. Meanwhile, everyone else is conned in to believing I’m an ultra-productive Super Woman.

We put so much pressure on ourselves, and through the power of social media onto others, to feel as though we must be busy all the time. If we’re not doing something productive, worthwhile, instagrammable, was there any point in even getting out of bed today? The consequence is that we are unable to enjoy real down time because we spend it feeling a bit guilty about the unanswered emails and that stain on the carpet that should’ve been washed out a week ago. We start comparing ourselves to so-and-so who “Absolutely killed it today!!! 💪🏼🙌🏼😏” and the vicious cycle continues.

The reality is that it is impossible to be busy all the time, and beyond that it is seriously unhealthy. I try and be as open and honest as I can be and yes, some days when I intended to do sixty five million things I actually ate too much pasta for lunch and then had an unintentional two hour nap. Quite frankly, that sounds like a dreamy afternoon to me but it’s no good if it’s spent feeling bad about all the things I didn’t do. Personally, whilst I do genuinely enjoy being busy, I get overwhelmed when life is tugging me in every direction imaginable and I become almost paralysed by my own unattainable standards and to do list. As a result I end up doing sweet FA and then beating myself up about it.

I’m not suggesting we should all just bin off our jobs, stop doing the laundry and spend our days Netflix binging, but sometimes we DO need days like that. We need to stop bullying ourselves into saying yes to things we don’t want to do, stop pressuring ourselves into jamming more than is really possible into our schedules and take some time to chill the fuck out. Actual quality time spent doing absolutely bugger all, totally guilt free, is so important for our future productivity, energy and emotional well being.

Having struggled with my mental health, I’ve had days where if I’ve managed to stand up and make it as far as the shower I’ve climbed a mountain. It taught me to appreciate small achievements and schedule in proper time off to myself, whether that’s to watch Gilmore Girls, turn into a prune in the bath or go to bed at 8pm (bliss). Yet somehow I struggle to transfer that sense of self-care into my working life when it comes to planning my schedule, self-setting deadlines and juggling my work load. Yes, I am busy. I know you are too, but I also know I’d be a damn sight more productive if I took the time to breath, to assess what’s reasonable in the space of fourteen hours (this gal needs ten hours sleep) and to be kinder to myself in the process.

Posted In: DEAR DIARY, LIFESTYLE, PRODUCTIVITY TIPS · Tagged: blogging, busy, lifestyle, mental health, millenials

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Comments

  1. Emily says

    12/11/2017 at 17:59

    This is such a good point well made. We all have lots of things to juggle but slowing down and prioritising what is important can definitely make us more effective and happier 💕

    Reply
    • Beth Sandland says

      12/11/2017 at 18:24

      Thanks Emily! Prioritising is so important, as is pressing the pause button!

      Reply
  2. Torri Brumbaugh says

    12/11/2017 at 18:00

    I love, love, love this post. I am busy all the time and I definitely feel a pressure. Thank you for getting it out there

    Reply
    • Beth Sandland says

      12/11/2017 at 18:23

      Thank you Torri. Exactly! There’s nothing wrong with being busy buts it’s impossible 24/7 – we need to switch off.

      Reply
  3. Maxine says

    12/11/2017 at 18:07

    I’m all about the 10 hour sleep 🙌🏼🙌🏼

    Reply
    • Beth Sandland says

      12/11/2017 at 18:23

      I’m a zombie without it!

      Reply
    • Emily-Heather says

      12/11/2017 at 22:38

      Me too!

      Reply
      • Beth Sandland says

        12/12/2017 at 17:38

        Preach!

        Reply
  4. Emma says

    12/11/2017 at 18:10

    We’d all have a lot more time to do our to-do lists if we stopped posting about being busy. Haha. But then again in this social media world you have to sell yourself in order to create new opportunities to earn money! But yes moaning about it isn’t the one xx

    Reply
    • Beth Sandland says

      12/11/2017 at 18:23

      Absolutely! True but I don’t think telling everyone how busy you are is really in any way enticing of opportunities. Being fulfilled is great, but being stressed isn’t and neither is poor time management, and I can definitely play victim to both sometimes! Xx

      Reply
  5. Jess says

    12/11/2017 at 20:13

    Yes yes yes! This is a fantastic post. So relatable, was literally having a conversation with my Mum about how bizarre it is for people to say how busy they are and make it into a contest. Let’s actually talk instead! Xx

    Reply
    • Beth Sandland says

      12/11/2017 at 21:05

      Exactly! It’s like we’re all desperate to be seen as invincible, but who really wants to be busy 24/7? I know I personally NEED the time off and it’s more than okay to do absolutely nothing sometimes and feel good about it too! Xx

      Reply
  6. Lisa says

    12/11/2017 at 21:31

    I could not agree more. I spend almost every day feeling guilty about not “smashing it” that day, because I never feel like I did. I could tick my to do-list off by lunchtime and do an extra 37 bits, work until 10pm, eat healthily and go to the gym every damn day – and I still would compare myself to all those claiming to “slaaaaay” on social media. I think it all depends on where we set our aims and goals, too – some people might want to only get five things done in a day, get those done and shout about it on Twitter, which is absolutely fine and up to them, but we do need to realise that we can’t see behind the account in most cases, so there’s no good in comparing ourselves to anyone online x

    Reply
    • Beth Sandland says

      12/12/2017 at 17:38

      Absolutely! I think this goes for just about everything; we never truly know what’s going on in the background and I’ve written a lot about how social media tends to be a highlights reel. I know I need to be much better at setting myself REALISTIC targets and then being proud of myself when I achieve them, rather than wishing I’d done more xx

      Reply
  7. Hebah says

    12/12/2017 at 07:03

    I’ve never really considered this before but I realise now just how harmful it can be for us. It’s so true though that seeing others be productive makes me feel guilty when I’m having a lazy day though that is not how it should be!

    Reply
    • Beth Sandland says

      12/12/2017 at 17:38

      You are more than entitled to have a lazy day, in fact I whole heartedly encourage it! We all need days off xx

      Reply
  8. Sophie says

    12/12/2017 at 08:24

    This is so so true! My mum always tells me im always pulling myself in every direction, but you really do need time for yourself! I really love your writing and i really enjoy reading your posts! Xxx

    sophieinwonderlandxo.com

    Reply
    • Beth Sandland says

      12/12/2017 at 17:39

      Thank you Sophie! Your mama sounds like a wise woman. We can’t pour from an empty glass xx

      Reply
  9. Frances Hemmant says

    12/13/2017 at 08:57

    You just keep on getting better and better 😍 I love this post so much!! I do know people who are completely chilled and fine to relax as soon as they get home, but I am definitely the complete opposite and even after a full day at work I have to achieve something at home, and jam my weekends packed full! Don’t know why I feel this way, but you’re definitely right that it’s unhealthy to not just be able to wind down and relax. Couldn’t have written this better myself ❤️

    Reply
  10. Shauna Claire says

    12/13/2017 at 10:03

    Honestly this is one of the best posts I’ve read in a while. I couldn’t agree more that there is a certain glorification these days around being busy, and in reality it’s so damaging to our mental healths! And I am so guilty of feeding into it, I think we all are to an extent!

    Shauna | http://diariesofadramatic.com

    Reply
  11. Juhita says

    12/13/2017 at 10:12

    I have often said that it’s ok to just lounge on the sofa and watch tv for a half hour because it’s really the only half hour of disconnected downtime I get on most days. This mad rush we all have to multitask and fill our days super achieving does take a toll.

    Reply
  12. Josie says

    12/13/2017 at 15:35

    You’re absolutely right! I definitely feel so guilty if I haven’t finished my to-do list or if I go on Instagram and other people ‘seem’ to get loads more done to progress in life and the only time I left the house was to do the food shop. You’re so right that society today promotes so much business that there really aren’t enough hours in the day and that even if we do get everything done – there’s always more that we feel guilty about not doing even when we should be allowed time to ourselves!

    Self-care is the most important thing and you’ve hit the nail on the head with this post!

    Daughter of An Air Hostess // Fashion, Travel & Lifestyle

    Reply
  13. Ellie says

    12/13/2017 at 19:11

    Couldn’t have put it better myself! We need to stop glorifying being busy and just accept being not busy

    http://www.petiteelliee.com

    Ellie xx

    Reply
  14. Becca Jordan says

    12/13/2017 at 23:28

    I really needed to read this, particularly today, thank you. I need to learn and believe that taking a day off is not stopping me from getting towards my dreams, it’s giving me a realistic chance of actually getting there. BX

    Reply
  15. Sharni says

    12/14/2017 at 01:16

    Beth! This post is so great and beyond relevant to me right now, considering I ate way too much gnocchi yesterday afternoon and then snoozed for four hours which resulted in my staying up until 2am to finish a blog post. Sometimes the amount of ‘busyness’ I put on myself is counterproductive and my anxiety and stress levels force me to become a hermit with a helluva migraine, and then I just stress out more. Let’s stop glorifying busy!

    Sharni xo
    http://www.agirlandgrey.com

    Reply
  16. Andrea says

    12/14/2017 at 01:35

    This is such a great post. I stumbled on your blog and Instagram after Lydia Millen mentioned you in her IG stories and I’m glad she did. I’m just barely a “millennial” depending on what definition/date range you look at lol, but I relate to this issue/obsession of being busy. I’m in a PhD program and it’s like a badge of honor to be the “busiest” and everyone loves to talk about how buried under the weight of their work they are. I’m at the point where, yeah, I’m busy, but let me brag about the day I blew off work for the sake of my sanity and spent the afternoon napping and reading a novel just for fun. Looking forward to more of your posts. 🙂

    Andrea
    https://researchandramblings.blogspot.com

    Reply
  17. Ashleigh says

    12/14/2017 at 12:26

    I needed this post! I beat myself up all the time about not completing my to-do list for the week on Monday morning, and I think it’s so important to get this message out! XX

    Reply
  18. Huong says

    12/14/2017 at 17:22

    Yesss to all of this, Beth!!! SO many people don’t understand that self-care is so important to be able to CONTINUE to have the energy we need to do what we love. Fantastic article! x

    She Sweats Diamonds

    Reply
  19. Holly says

    12/14/2017 at 18:09

    Love love love this post. I used to struggle with being so busy all of the time and absolutely loved feeling like I was “accomplishing things” however since I’ve moved cities a year and a half ago where I know it less and can’t be as busy either because of lack of money or lack of out-goingness, I struggle with the fact that I’m not “busy” and “achieving” which is something that I think comes from going to school where your constantly working towards graduating. Now what am I working towards?

    Just some thoughts! Love the post xx

    Reply
  20. Beth says

    12/17/2017 at 21:41

    I completely agree we are all feeling like we need to keep busy all the time but that is so unhealthy, in fact we need to learn to be able to take time for ourselves and to just relax and learn not feel guilty for it, you do such a good job though lovely, try not to beat yourself up all the time xx
    http://www.pagesfrombeth.co.uk/

    Reply
  21. Maleny says

    12/18/2017 at 04:14

    It’s as if I had written out some of these sentences myself. Very relatable. I say we get together for a wine movie night. Status: Busy relaxing

    Reply
  22. Emily says

    12/20/2017 at 17:14

    I couldn’t love this post more, its insane the pressures social media puts on all aspects of our lives! Absolutely love your content gal, I’ve been following you on Instagram/reading your posts for a while now and after seeing Lydia Millen shout you out the other day I couldn’t agree more, your posts are exactly my cup of tea! Total blog goals x
    EVHXO EDIT | The Winter Base Edit (trying to keep myself warm with alllll the coverage?)

    Reply
  23. Gaby says

    12/21/2017 at 18:28

    Hi Beth, I really enjoy your writing, I like the flow of your style. You make a lot of sense and your post helped me to put things in perspective. Thank you

    Reply
  24. Lauren says

    12/23/2017 at 19:10

    I absolutely love this post, Beth. I often feel guilty for not being productive 100% of the time but I shouldn’t! We all need a break sometimes. It’s impossible to be busy constantly without burning yourself out.

    Lauren // http://laurensjourney.com

    Reply
  25. kae says

    12/30/2017 at 19:01

    As a college student, I understand what you mean. If you’re not collapsing over your google calendar that’s filled to the brim with internships, classes, jobs, and extracurriculars, then you’re doing it wrong. It’s almost mandatory to start a conversation with at least 5 minutes of whining about our ridiculous schedule’s (which in reality like you said is a hidden form of bragging). I have yet to find a student that doesn’t have the need to do “more”. A quote I really like that battles this harmful ideology that we need to work ourselves to the ground is one by Henry David Thoreau: “It is not enough to be busy. So are the ants. The question is: What are we busy about?”. Quality vs. quantity. Just because you’re busy doesn’t mean anything. Don’t accept something just to be able to add it to your calendar.

    Reply
  26. Grace says

    01/09/2018 at 20:50

    Great post! You make some excellent points- there’s so much pressure nowadays to always be on the run, and we take pride in being busy. There’s nothing wrong with a Friends marathon in your sweats every now and then! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I’m going to bookmark this page and look back on it when I’m feeling down! xo

    Reply
  27. Joanna says

    01/12/2018 at 08:02

    This Christmas me, my husband and 2 kids cut off from the world for a week. It was so good to take some quiet quality time together. Nearly everyone I have spoken to has said how jealous they are and how their Christmas period was spent either travelling between various family members, or hosting family and friends. We obviously like to do that but this year we really needed the time to refresh, so we made sure we did it. I know it’s easier said than done sometimes, but it was worth it.

    Reply
  28. Delaine says

    01/14/2018 at 12:32

    Great pints here. *Hands up* because I find myself quilt for all of this. I have realized that I prefer say I’m busy doing this or doing that so I can not attend to other important things.

    http://delainemyles.com

    Reply
  29. Kate says

    01/15/2018 at 23:32

    Omg this! I needed to hear this post today because this is exactly how I’ve been feeling lately too.
    I definitely feel the pressure from social media of whether I’m doing enough or being ‘the best I can be’ and all that jazz, I just keep thinking come on guys, it’s January, I’m tired from all the festivities of December. I cba with all this super boost of motivation right now. Keeps making me feel bad! haha

    VioletDaffodils
    xx

    Reply
  30. Mereh. says

    01/25/2018 at 23:42

    Oh what an amazing post, I completely agree with you! Sometimes I feel guilty just spending a day chilling at home because I don’t have anything to do. Is it crazy? ahah Being busy shouldn’t be our goal.

    Mereh- http://nowornevah.blogspot.co.uk/

    Reply
  31. Piryanka says

    03/17/2018 at 16:01

    I suspected this too of other people mostly. I use it myself sometimes as an excuse for things – why I can’t make it to our hanging out session, I want you to know I’m busy or something equally poor of a reason. I’m not better but some times I question the people who do use it are they really taking full advanatage of their time? They’re working 14 hours a day but are they really working the full 14 hours? Or are they just messing around almost half of that? Are they really being productive? Or is it just a “omg I’ve been super busy”? Could the work they say they do for the 14 hours be done more efficiently in less time? Should I be working 14 hours? Should I be killing myself? But the thing is no I can’t kill myself working like that for the simple reason of I get tired.

    I don’t know using the “I’ve been busy” just gives off the impression of I’m doing so many important things in my life and I want you to know it. All because the complexity of my situation can be simplified into the one word busy. But maybe more importantly and the take home would be it makes me feel like I’m not doing enough things in my life and my life in comparison to the busy busy busy types is drab.

    Reply

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I am a multi-award winning blogger, photographer and writer from London. I’ve travelled to over 38 countries, lived out of a backpack for a year and love to scuba dive! This site is a destination for all things travel, lifestyle and my successful online book club.

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Make up: Keeley Wilson MUA
Flowers: @emmahewlettfloraldesign 
Dress: ASOS
Plant mom 🌿✌🏼 ⠀ Monty the monstera is go Plant mom 🌿✌🏼
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Monty the monstera is going to start eating dentists soon. My top tips for a super healthy swiss cheese plant -
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🌱 A lovely bright spot away from direct sun (not a problem in winter) and radiators.
🌱 Intuitive watering: stick your finger in and water when the top 2” of the soil are dry, rather than to a set schedule. The amount needed depends on your plant (I use around 700ml approx every 10 days) but make sure you’ve got good drainage!
🌱 Every now and again I like to put it in the garden when it’s raining (in the spring/summer) or under the shower. Rain is best if possible as hard tap water can cause mineral build up on the soil.
🌱 Moss pole! Train it to grow upwards with a strong pole and ties.
🌱 Wipe dust off the leaves (shower also does this) and use a spritz bottle regularly.
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If it’s looking sad it’s probably an issue with water or light! #urbanjungle #monsteramonday
26 weeks: mini diary 🤍 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 26 weeks: mini diary 🤍
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With less than 2 weeks until the final trimester I thought I’d try and document weekly, as much for me to look back on. This photo is already a week old and I seem to be growing by the day!
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What’s the crack this week?...
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😴 Sleepy AF: A new wave of exhaustion has hit. It makes sense - babies generally double their weight between 24-28 wks. I’ve started going to bed earlier/falling asleep at 9pm in front of Bridgerton.
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🤧 Pelvic floor: Sneezing brings ALL the fear!
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🐙 Movement: I saw my belly move from the outside like a scene from Alien for the first time. At bed time it feels like a small octopus is doing the Macarena in my uterus. It’s still the most magical feeling in the world.
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👶🏼 Prep: The pram arrived this week! We ordered it in a brilliant Silver Cross sale. I was feeling a bit flat about the loss of that ‘pram shopping with my bump’ experience due to lockdown but putting it together made me happy - it’s so beautiful! And so surreal - we own a pram!
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📖 Reading: The Positive Birth Book by @milli.hill. It puts across all options in a clear, non-judgey, humorous way and has made me think of things I’d never heard of. It’s also the first time I’ve understood what a birth plan might physically look/read like.
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🧘🏼‍♀️ Hypnobirthing: I’ve started to feel more nervous about the birth (not the actual act or the pain, rather fears I won’t share as don’t want to project) but we’re starting hypnobirthing online next week which I’m looking forward to!
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👯‍♀️ Following: @birth_ed, @takingcarababies, @mixing.up.motherhood are accounts that are bringing joy/invaluable info.
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#26weeks #rainbowbaby🌈 #secondtrimester #pregnancyafterloss
I loved being a pregnant bride. Often a baby is a I loved being a pregnant bride. Often a baby is a reason to delay or speed up a wedding (lots assumed that was the case for us, but it wasn’t!) and is generally seen as perhaps spoiling things a little. It’s totally fine if you do feel that way, but for us it made it extra magical. It felt totally right to have our little bub between us as we exchanged vows and I was happy to embrace the bump in my dress. I still chose exactly the look and fit I wanted and wore the sparkly heels and in a way, I found trying dresses on much lower pressure as I wasn’t worrying about my figure. Perhaps the biggest difference was staying sober and the fact that we had a tiny wedding with a fancy lunch rather than a party probably made this a lot easier. I raised a toast with our four guests but beyond that, I didn’t have any inclination to drink anyway. Bonus - a great nights sleep and no hangover! 🥂👰🏻
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Photographer: @victoriasomersethowphotography
Dress: ASOS
Box fresh kicks ready to explore [from the bedroom Box fresh kicks ready to explore [from the bedroom to the kitchen, to the loo...aaand repeat]...at least they’ll stay clean 🥴☕️
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Type into browser: https://rstyle.me/cz-n/ewjdwzcbq2x (junior size 🤑 if under a UK 5.5)
AD: Pregnancy has given me a lot of time to reflec AD: Pregnancy has given me a lot of time to reflect on my relationship with alcohol over the last year. 🍸 I flitted between giving it up when pregnant or for fertility purposes, then using it as an emotional crutch in loss which made me more anxious and restless. This time - now 6 months pregnant - I haven’t had a drink since August and have been really pleasantly surprised by how little I’ve missed it, even over the festive season. I’m not into vilifying booze; I enjoy a couple of drinks and even the feeling of lowered inhibitions and being tipsy. But I know that even post-pregnancy and the other-side of the hazy newborn/breastfeeding days, I’ll try and maintain a far more positive relationship with alcohol which for me, looks like indulging lightly and occasionally.
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Having access to brilliant alcohol-free alternatives makes this significantly easier. My favourite gin distillers, Salcombe Gin, are behind the @NewLondonLight; a 0% spirit that doesn’t compromise on taste. So whether you’re pregnant, doing Dry January or simply attempting to live lighter, you can still enjoy a Sunday evening tipple. How do you feel about the alcohol free movement?
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Get 20% off with code ‘NLL20Beth’ 🍊 #NewLondonLight #LiveLightNLL #NLL
Top 5 Books I read in 2020 ☕️ ~
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Where the Crawdads Sing, Delia Owens: totally captivating, unusual and enchanting. I literally devoured this one!
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Queenie, Candice Carty-Williams: as well as being laugh out loud funny, Queenie is also an education. A must read on what it’s like to be a young black woman growing up in London. Also tackles mental health really well!
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The Flatshare, Beth O’Leary: I recommend this to anyone who just really needs a hug from a genuinely enjoyable book. It’s warm and lovely but offers depth well beyond your usual chick lit too.
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Homegoing, Yaa Gyasi: this novel is such a triumph! Spanning over 300 years from pre-colonial Ghana to present day USA, each chapter follows a new character in the lineage of two sisters. One sold to slavery, the other married to an English coloniser. It’s sweepingly powerful and incredibly well written. I could’ve read an entire book on each character!
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A Man Called Ove, Fredrik Backman: Ove was the very first book I read in 2020 and it stuck with me throughout the year. At its most basic, it’s the story of a cantankerous old man. Delve a little deeper and it’s funny, heartbreaking and incredibly heartwarming. I just love Ove!
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Hit the ‘save’ button to come back to this list when you’re in need of a good read! What were your books of the year? 📚
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PS. If more reading, less scrolling is one of your 2021 goals too then don’t forget you can come and join us at @bethsbookclub_ 😎
2 0 2 1: the year of you 🕊🤍
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Happy new year saucepots! We had an ultra rock n’ roll night (read our books in bed then watched the midnight fireworks - that was a nice surprise! - on a phone before falling promptly to sleep...) and today is all about a long walk, a longer bath, books and tea. And obviously starting a new diary because isn’t fresh stationary the best thing about a new year?!
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Are you setting New Years’ resolutions? I prefer a bit of reflection and mindset shifting. This year it’s all about setting firm positive boundaries, protecting my energy and saying no to things/people that don’t serve that. I like the new year, not for the ‘new me’ noise but rather as a chance to let go and embrace a fresh beginning again. ⚡️☕️
As far as NYE outfits go, I’m not mad about this As far as NYE outfits go, I’m not mad about this one...🐻🥂 I hope you’re all well and excited to bid farewell to 2020. I know the clock striking midnight doesn’t fundamentally change anything but I’m hopeful that we can look forward with more optimism. I always find the turn of the year really emotionally complex. I’m not even going to attempt to unpack this last one other than to rejoice that even amongst the lowest of lows there have been highs. My beloved Nan won’t see the new year, which is hard to contemplate. I also married my best friend. This time last year I was miserable on the sofa, a day after surgery for our first miscarriage and wishing I could press pause on life. Tonight I’m still on the sofa, but full and at peace rather than empty and grieving, looking forward. For us, 2021 will see the birth of our little cub so it’s one that I’m welcoming with open arms. So much can change in a year and I hope you can seek comfort in that. However you’re feeling tonight, I’ll raise my alco-free bubbles to you because you did it: you made it through one of the toughest years in history. Brighter days are coming ☀️💓
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